Stephen Covey talks about our need for ‘psychological air’, which we gain when someone empathetically listens to us, tapping in to our emotions and making a deposit into our Emotional Bank Account.

It is deeply therapeutic and comforting when we feel that someone cares enough about us to establish and understand where we are coming from.

However, this is how most conversations go…

Hello Mary, how are you?
Oh I’ve got a bit of a head cold.
Well it would be nothing like the sinus I had last week.

OR

Hey, George, what are doing this weekend?
Oh, just chilling and watching Netflix.
Really? I can’t be bothered with Netflix. I’m going out to a music concert”.
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Conversations just jump from one person to the other or, as is often the case, one person does all the talking whilst the one being spoken at feels used and abused.

A friend wrote to me the other day and said, “With you, it is OK to talk about myself because you LISTEN…..I don’t know one other person who listens…….not one!!!! I get cut off after two words then I let the other person run with their own agenda……….because it’s exhausting trying to get a word in. With ‘us’ it is an even flow of communication and you really do listen and I love you for that.”

How many wives have lamented to me that their husbands always come up with solutions to their problems instead of simply listening and acknowledging their feelings. (Fellows, that’s all you have to do – listen and empathise).

We all need ‘psychological air’. We all need to feel heard.

Listening’ly
Robyn

p.s At Aqua only this morning, a woman asked me what I was doing for Christmas? My response, “A quiet one. I’m….” She jumped in to tell me what she was doing, who was coming, what they were eating, about their trip to Japan after Christmas, how her daughter was going to Japan with her new baby, all about the new baby, about she and her husband baby sitting in Japan…. ( gurgle, gurgle, gurgle – I just wanted to drown myself to stop the endless chatter)

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How often have you listened to someone ‘rave on’ and you have no idea what they are talking about?

Clear and concise communication is compelling and essential in today’s world of information overload. Professional communication is poised, polished and purposeful. These qualities are vital if you wish to rise and stand out professionally and personally.

Listening to talkback radio the other day, I gentleman called in and opened the conversation with “I have two comments and one question”. You could hear the radio announcer breathe a palpable sigh of relief. So many other callers raved on about I know not what.

When I run workshops, I ask participants for a one-word check-in on how they are feeling at the start of the day. I’m not sure how ‘sort of nervous’ or ‘pretty good’ or ‘Ummm, mmmm, maybe OK’ stack up as one word?? However, I do know how powerful it is when an attendee says ‘Excited” or Curious” or “Open” or…..

Less is more. Real effectiveness is making a point clearly in the least time necessary.

“In today’s world of constant connectivity and endless information, brevity is now a leadership necessity, not a nicety. Getting to the point quickly is the new, non-negotiable standard for senior managers to climb through the ranks and lead in an attention economy”, according to Joseph McCormack, The Brevity Mandate.

Enough said.

Pointedly
Robyn

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When you say, “I would probably like to try to increase my turnover by 15% next year” your sub-conscious hears that you are not at all serious.

Contrast that to an entrant in the Business Awards I recently judged, when asked about his goals for this financial year said, “We are all committed to a 20% increase in turnover by Oct 2018 with a projected profit of $x”. My sense tells me he and his team will hit those targets.

When I asked a client in a coaching session last week when they were scheduling a particular piece of work, her response was, “Maybe we will try and do it in the third week of November”. We soon corrected that statement.

If you ask someone to do something and their reply is “I will try and do it this week”, are they serious? No.

If you say to yourself “I will complete this blog by 8pm”, your commitment level to yourself is solid.

People feel secure around people who are clear and concise. Children pick up very quickly if mum says “You can have a treat after you have eaten all your vegetables’ vs. “If you try to eat up all your veges, maybe I’ll give you a treat after dinner”. Why would the child bother?

Clear, concise, precise communication is compelling and effective.

Tune in this week to all those superfluous, inconsequential words that you use and cut them out of your vocabulary…. you will be more effective and you will find that people listen to you with greater respect.

Precisely
Robyn

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